> Why is Antarctica .aq? Cos it's all made of water. - otama -
I think the real problem is that computers expect girls to tell them exactly what to do, and can't use a tiny bit of common sense to work it out for themselves. otama
I stopped reading the sort of physics-conspiracy boards this sort of thing tends to get mentioned on when it became apparent that the denizens didn't care what a unified field theory lookedlike, as long as it instantly gave them antigravity, faster-than-light travel and didn't require anything more than high-school electromagnetism to understand. EnhCat
> I'm going to take up climbing soon - what can I do in the gym to > prepare? Eat lots of lard to pad your arse out for when you fall off. The Dweller
> You're giving Sun some praise - maybe you should go and have a lie down > now. I'm praising their keyboard. That's only one out of the four sun items I have on this desk. EnhCat
If you want to cover your bets, send 3 covering letters, and see if they notice the difference: Dear Ms Coleman Dear Madam Dearest Sandra Squidgy-kins Zath
It always bothered me that "Silver and Gold will not hold". I'd have thought the *least* thing you'd have to worry about with a bridge made of silver and gold was that it would not hold. I'd have been more worried about people nicking bits. Ivan
Dumped by modem? Harsh. You're N-8-1 and I'm E-7-1. We're just not going to handshake, baby. (unknown)
> > I would have assumed it came from the latin 'fenestra'. > It does, and so do the French, Welsh etc words. Well the French obviously comes from the Latin, but shirley the welsh just comes from a footballer clearing his nose. octarine
A while ago, I tried to define the parsec as a unit for the Gimp. It didn't really work. Foggy.
mallocs want to be free!!1! Techno
I did consider MS Bob, but I don't think that is supported by my wireless card. Ref
I suspect that the BNP did badly in the postal vote areas. It must have been difficult folding the paper and filling the envelopes without opposable thumbs. Falcon
> > Yes! The OSI Club 7 Layer model! I can still remember that... > Do tell Well, when I say still remember, I can see the page in my head with the drawings and notes, just have to concentrate so I can read it. Um... Bradley - Transport (he drives the car in the TV series) Hannah - Presentation (well fit) Rachel - Application (lots of lipstick) Jon - Network (something to do with fishing) Jo - Physical (bruiser) Paul - Data Link (I think he was holding two ends of a cable together) Tina - Session (she's a minger) nayfnu
Message: 762196 (27th of 183) in Pointless [Re-read] Date: Wednesday, 15 January 2003 - 09:29:17 From: The Dweller To: Thoric Subject: Geeky In-Reply-To: 762194, 762193, 762144, 758144 All-Replies: 17 Complaining about grammar and spelling on UA is like trying to colour Niagra Falls yellow with your piss. -- Replied-to-by: mbinns (762681) Replied-to-by: Movement (762828) Message: 762800 (41st of 183) in Pointless Date: Wednesday, 15 January 2003 - 17:22:15 From: The Dweller To: Ivan Subject: Geeky In-Reply-To: 762696, 762681, 762196, 762194, 762193, 762144, 758144 All-Replies: 2 > Anyone bored enough to estimate how many years it would take to save up > enough piss to turn Niagra Falls yellow for a given amount of time? Yes. <URL: http://content.health.msn.com/content/article/42/1685_50194? > Assume 1 litre of very yellow urine per person per day. <URL: http://www.niagarafallslive.com/Facts_about_Niagara_Falls.htm > 750,000 US gallons a second is 2835000 litres a second. If we assume that 1 litre of very yellow urine can colour 5 litres of water (not unreasonable since we're talking about very large quantities and it'll tend to enhance the colour effect), we need 567000 litres of urine a second. Or about 1500 person-years of piss to provide one second of coloured Niagara Falls. A small town could do it easily in a year.
> So no scribbling notes in margins of books, then?
I had a wonderful legal argument against that, but this post is too small to contain it.
Book-keeping and spit-roasts are two entirely different things. It's unfortunatethey share an attribute.
Multiple inheritance shouldn't be allowed to exist.
And Movement's comment : "Only on UA could a post like this exist."
> Isn't retirement age 65 atm, and being put up to 70 soon?
> How, exactly, did people manage to record sounds hundreds of years ago?
They recorded it into the air arounf the piano, and then listened to it using their ears. didn't last very long thoug.
I'm suddenly reminded of French listening tests at school.
:thinks "I picked out 'egg', 'beach' and 'policeman' there. I shall form an answer to the question using a combination of these words"
> We're all counting on you.
What am I, an abacus?
> You could at least fix bloody IE.
That's quite an undertaking, if MS can't get it right with their country sized budget, what chance to UMIST have, when their only resorces are a big metal envelope and some pritt stick?
> Universities appear to be able to throw money around
You appear to be confusing Tara Palmer-Tompkinson with a University.
I think there should be a equal opportunities investigation into why cycle courier companies in London only employ people with a red / green colour blindness.
*gasps* Imagine a "dummy" book. Take it out of the baby's mouth, and wipe it clean. Now wash it under the tap with really hot water. Clean it with a J-cloth,and polish it until it shines and blinds you. Here is your O'Reilly book.
No. Under linux, your soundcard is treated as a daisy-wheel printer, and can only whack one note at a time. Amen.
I believe you probably have said something relevant, but I think my unfamiliarity with MacOS in general means I don't understand what.
> Why is Gibraltar not a country?
Well, err, it just isn't. Just like our fridge isn't.
I was most upset to discover the raliway lines through Birmingham do not have the same big fence safeguards the motorway does, so if you accidently look out of the window you would see it.
They should go through Birmingham on the M6 with a big pair of scissors and snip off all the slip-roads.
Stalin Baroque is entertaining. I can't see the problem with it. Better that than Tony Hawks Pro Radio Solid Toilet 5. EnhCat
07/04 American Independence Day
04/07 British Thanksgiving Day
BW in the login banner
How widely is postscript level 3 supported? Is it as widespread as breathing, or only known to secretive government organisations who recovered it from crashed alien spaceships?
> Why, what's wrong with Enfield? It seemed nice...
Take your pick of answers.
I'd give 'em a perl practical and then be able to study the code in depth later.I'd warrant that it would be more revealing than psychometic (sp?) testing... :-)
Opal have (after a 6 week delay) finally removed the banner in front of our flat window looking out onto Wilmslow Road, of course I only discover this when walking into the living room in the nude :(
"Ah, it's so hard to work in the house, especially when the Internet's sitting on your desk like a hungry goose :)"
if the driver had taken physical form, it would certainly have smelt of egg :)
> Can you give specific examples of something that's hard to find in Linux?
No, because I can't find it!
Are you trying to suggest that there are only two mingin' people in all the world? You see, I've been outside and I can tell you there's more than that. I can't put an exact figure on it but it's somewhere in the region of lots.
America would support them were the Israeli leader a mango at the head of a coalition of fridge manufacturers
You misquoted me! You're clearly an illiterate idiot, who engages in bizarre sexual practices with animals. I'm depressed. I'm going to kill you all. Windows sucks. You posted in the wrong conference. I'm going to fail all my exams. Beer is good. My job's ace, and I rule. My job sucks. A girl looked at me today. God is talking to me. I drank so much last night you wouldn't believe it. Look at me, I did something that in some way relates to a particularly obscure celebrity that only 2 other people here will know about, but they and I will talk about it for 3 days. <Insert pun here>. Listen to the radio! All popular things are clearly evil.
I hate this 'natural' keyboard. can't type for shti
Personally I'd expect basic motor neuron skills and 2 brain cells as minimum but that seems to be lacking in the presented example...
Nobody ever gives a thought to the millions of creme chickens that are packed in 12"-12"-12" cages, a thousand to a barn, kept in constant icy cold conditions to prevent the chocolate melting, unable to distinguish between the eggs of their young and their own faeces...
America would support them were the Israeli leader a mango at the head of a coalition of fridge manufacturers
Subject: Bored of Byers
I wish he'd hurry up and quit.
I'm getting totally sick of seing his miserable face scowling out of the papers every time I'm in a shop!
Subject: One for all and all for one
I don't recall them /ever/ using a musket in the cartoon.
Annotated-By: Topper (16 seconds after message posted)
(I suppose the lack of opposable thumbs would have been a problem)
I had a dream involving the Tux web server last night. It kept its static files in my dad's garage.
:finds it hard to imagine /anyone/ having sex, but still, I'll try.
Argh! Bare feet!
I hope there's a HOWTO on this that wasn't written by an OS engineer of 30 years experience who's decided that when I want to read a HOWTO I actually want to read a HOWITWORKSATALEVELSOLOWTHATASOLDERINGIRONBECOMESAUSEFULPROGRAMMINGTOOL
"unutterably stupid" is just a synonym for "customer"
> :feels completely unattractive.
Don't worry. Bill Gates is a shy minger & he's one of the richest people in the world.
I wonder how much Walkers paid for the machine that ensures that exactly one unfeasibly huge crisp is in every packet.
Every time I tried Gnome it leaks worse than a leaky thing in leakville on a bloaty leaky float eating leeks and drinking too much tea. YMMV :-)
"Being sent to Coventry" should be updated for the new millennium. People should be "sent to the tube" where nobody speaks at all
> have a banana
I thought that was a youthanisum (sp!)...
So basically you take a streetful of warehouses, each stocked full with cans of worms, and open the lot in one go?
Ooh, weird. I was thinking just yesterday that perhaps the Vanilli is the S.I. unit of talent.
Mars the corporation is an invention of accountants, and Mars the planet is an invention of novelists. Novelists are an invention of accountants, while accountants are an invention of money.
This cloning lark is funny! First they clone a sheep which looks the same as the original (as do millions of other sheep), now they've cloned a cat which doesn't even look the same as the original.
> Nayfnu as "Just another Religious Surrealist of the Post-Python era"
I don't think Pluto is jsut another rock, far from it, I'm quite interested in seeing what's up there. I don't think the amount of money spent on looking at it is entirely justified, but I don't want to get involved in a ua-style "discussion" where Flaknene denounces Pluto as a fake, mbinns replies to every messge in Filth along the lines of "Mmmm...pluto...round and firm... :o)", you and Foggy go off on a tangent in Pointless about gerbils and Loz logs on to tell us we're all fluffy and nice, so let's stop all this nasty bickering and go down the pub, shall we? I..just... don't think I could handle it, that's all, so I'm going to play with this here cotton reel instead. nayfnu
> > Vote 4: Changing a double duvet cover on your own
Who would try such a thing?! Double duvets clearly contain many tiny evil gnomes who exchange the corners when you're not looking :-)
> HTML tidier at w3.org
Well that threw a wobbler like a fat bloke on a washing machine
Nah, you should aim to get there at the start of the marking session, wait the 20 minutes, put your name at the end of the list. By the time they get around to you, you should have finished enough of the lab. The adrenalin is good for you :-)
Well, each to their own, horses for roundabouts, swings and courses, and stuff.
But would you prefer stamps you don't have to lick, or stamps that you do lick that taste of chocolate?
running windows hahahaha
try rebooting and checking the fridge for food
Yeah, I woke up in the day accidentally once, the moon was on fire for some reason and I couldn't see very well and all the bandwidth dissapeared, it was very scarey :(
Because the Trainline are a bunch of clueless idiots who have trouble differentiating their sphincter from the bendy joint thing in their arms.
Good idea - drive within the speed limit when going from london to manchester ona friday night. Bad Idea #1 - do 90 past a police car at about J4 on the M1 Bad Idea #2 - " " J9 on the M1 #3 - " " J12 on the M1 etc Bad Idea #8 - Doing 90, swaying the car in time to Agadoo on the radio @J8 on the M1, going past a police car sat on one of those ramps.
> Subject: Do I pack now?
> Or do I leave it untill the last minute on Monday?
Last minute! Otherwise, how will you pack stuff you don't need and forget important stuff? Silly!
>> malloc() is your friend
> Only if you smell of wee.
Ahh, a reasoned argument there. :)
(octarine and Phaedrus)
what people don't understand is that floor is a sub-class of shelf...
Been watching the Matrix again?
: hopes you wipe your shoes before running up the walls.
You're abnormally tall, and made out of limbs.
Proogs (about nayfnu)
"Sounds like he's a few 404s short of a website" - My new 'mad' euphamism
No, sorry but your 'logic' cuts about as much cheese as a brick.
> drinking decaff
Then it doesn't matter if it boils or not, cos it'll taste like regurgitated soil anyhow.
Hear that? It's the sound of a message being marked for deletion.
I think they made a really long song and then split it into 3 minute chunks.
She goes off on a tangent more easily than something that was attached to a big rotaty thing but isn't any more :-)
Eat the pie, buy a baguette tomorrow, eat it first thing in the morning. Then you can pretend the pie was in the baguette.
He's back! A bit of twiddling this morning and it's more sorted than a big pile of things in descending order of size
I tend not to buy films that I've seen unless they're excellent. Or 50p.
Some chocolate has nasty stuff added to it which makes it taste disgusting. Cadbury's "Turkish Delight" for example.
> We were used to things loading slowly back then
Yeah, back when I was young, we had to travel back in time to put the tape in so the game would load before we died.
"Well yes, but when something is more obvious then a blimp painted bright blue in the shape of an elephant being towed behind a truck of a largeness unsuited to our highways due to its capability of carrying houses, I tend not to mention it."
I had always heard enough bad things about 3com to avoid them with a big long barge pole with a snooker extender on the end.
"Ever play sardines when you were a kid? Imagine that. Now imagine that these kids are the most competitive kids on this or any other planet and refuse to not fit. Now imagine instead of scruffy-don't-care-if-they-get-wrecked kiddie clothes you're wearing a suit and you'd like it to stay nice. Now imagine you'replaying it in a sauna. Now imagine that sauna is on rails hurtling through a tunnel."
"It's pretty funny, actually. It all started when I thought that inflammable was the opposite of flammable..."
Baked beans on a bed of toast a la pepper, anyone? Freshly prepared apple in skin of apple?
Not that so much as just utterly confused...Picture this stick, yeah, which has got 'right end' written on one end of it, and you seem to have picked up the stick, but you picked it up by the other end.
... hordes of drunks who couldn't hold a note if it was yellow and stuck to their forehead,
half-witted people as their current employees patently wouldn't know a brain cell if it jumped up and down in front of them wearing a neon sign proclaiming "This is a brain cell" whilst "Look at the Brain Cell" by 'The Brain Cell Spotters' was blaring out of a 100KW PA!!
Football=More bent than a nine pound note with a picture of the Mardi Gras parade on it.
> "Love is.."
... similar to that fantastic feeling you get when you've let things flow after having been busting for a wee for two hours.
bad weather in Scotland is poetic irony caused by kilts.
Smellywest are pooer than a huge vatful of 3 year old bat poo topped with a decaying rat.
How high would a horse have to be for it to be considered high?
"Okay, we'll toss for it. Heads we go here, tails we go there."
"What was it?"
"What's on the other side?"
> Windows 98 just detected 9 com ports.
Is there no start to its abilities?
I'm in this country. It's just a different country to your this country.
Sure you want to work for these people? It seems like Bill and Ben would have better communication skills...
it's riddled with problems a blind man with gloves on trying to use his braile reader couldn't avoid
a different kettle of spanners
There's loads of pictures of hamsters out there but not a single one of a hamster yawning. I want a new internet.
I wonder if the new backbone is the networking equivalent of a calcium deficient jellyfish?
NAME grill - horizontally toast items from the upper side SYNOPSIS grill [ITEM]... [TEMP]... [TIME]... DESCRIPTION Horizontally toast items from the upper side in an effort to make them edible. -c, --carbon Make sure you're not going to get food poisoning. Or much enjoyment or nutrition for that matter. -f, --flambe set off the fire alarm -o, --oven switch on the oven by mistake and wonder why your food is still frozen half an hour later -z, --zebra produces stripes from the fat that you didn't clean off last time all across your food REPORTING BUGS Report bugs to your local health and safety officer. They can cause illness. SEE ALSO toast, fry, oven, boil, poach KITCHEN utils 1.01 October 2000 1
Hurrah! I don't really understand something - if God made everything on Earth perfect, so that nothing ever went wrong, no-one got killed, there were no wars,famine or anything, and He influenced everyone's choices so they always made theright ones, surely you'd accuse God of being a dictator, depriving you of the right to free will? Surely the fact that God gave us the choice to ignore Him completely or follow Him suggests He is a loving God!
A pie is just a quiche wearing a hat.
Bought a pizza in Tescos - The box was dead big & it had a little window in the top so you could see the yummy contents.
Took it out the box & it was TINY!
Reminds me of wonderbras.....
> i think i had a dodgy burger at burger king
> :tummy is feeling dodgy just think of Margret Thatcher nekkid on a cold day and all the naughty burger meat should leave :)
> went to market
> stayed at home
> had bread butter and cheese
sorry, but that scans like a starship with it's sensors out of alignment trying to look inside a super-dense spatial anomoly that the sensors couldn't penetrate at the best of times
> :slept like a baby
You woke up in the middle of the night, screaming cos you were covered with poo?
(winnits) Set your folder properities to not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be sexy.
I know it can be done but, much like nailing my own hands to the wall, I've never had the inclination to find out how.
why do programmers celebrate christmas day on halloween?
because oct 31 = dec 25
"Hi, Dan's answerphone is not in right now. This is his fridge. Please leave a message, and I'll stick it to myself with one of those little magnets."
> MP3s ftp'd using ASCII sound strange when played
They sound as if being played underwater by a not quite waterproof speaker.
Best way to survive this film.
Watch the start
Go out and read the paper as soon as he gets to the island
Come back in for the 90 secs when he discovers fire
Go into the lobby and play Silent Scope or something
Come back in for the bit where he gets rescued and watch the end
You'll have missed nothing.
> Sounds more like flu. What are you taking for it?
the creator of tetris now works for microsoft
(I thought window's memory management looked familier) :)
I still linger, like a fart in a lift.
Message: 489532 (248th of 250) in Pointless Date: Tuesday, 23 October 2001 - 12:06 From: Thoric To: Khendon Subject: Try In-Reply-To: 489498 (in Words) All-Replies: 2 >It's not as "Believe you me", which is the most absurd phrase ever :-) Think of it as believe(you,me);. Then it's fine. :)) -- Replied-to-by: Khendon (489534) +00:01 [Pointless] 2 new messages (ABCDEFGHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): G Message: 489534 (249th of 250) in Pointless Date: Tuesday, 23 October 2001 - 12:07 From: Khendon To: Thoric Subject: Try In-Reply-To: 489532, 489498 (in Words) All-Replies: 1 I prefer object oriented english :-) you->believe(me) :-p -- Replied-to-by: isoma (489540) +00:02 [Pointless] 1 new message (ABCDEFGHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): G Message: 489540 (250th of 250) in Pointless Date: Tuesday, 23 October 2001 - 12:10 From: isoma To: Khendon Subject: Try In-Reply-To: 489534, 489532, 489498 (in Words) you->setTrust(1.0, this); +00:02 [Pointless] (ABCDEFHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): X
Message: 496706 (7th of 10) in Net-Reposts Date: Wednesday, 31 October 2001 - 11:00 From: Refresher Subject: 404 All-Replies: 2 http://www.bbfc.org.uk/links/Books/ Top. Ref -- Replied-to-by: BW (496732) +00:03 [Net-Reposts] 3 new messages (ABCDEFGHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): G Message 496436 and 1 reply moved from Interesting-Things to Pedantry by isoma +00:03 [Net-Reposts] 3 new messages (ABCDEFGHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): G Message: 496732 (8th of 10) in Net-Reposts Date: Wednesday, 31 October 2001 - 11:17 From: BW To: Refresher Subject: 404 In-Reply-To: 496706 All-Replies: 1 :looks at the rest of bbfc.org.uk What a pile of crap. -- Replied-to-by: Refresher (496752) +00:03 [Net-Reposts] 2 new messages (ABCDEFGHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): G Message: 496752 (9th of 10) in Net-Reposts Date: Wednesday, 31 October 2001 - 11:30 From: Refresher To: BW Subject: 404 In-Reply-To: 496732, 496706 > :looks at the rest of bbfc.org.uk > What a pile of crap. Hey, having _one_ good page on a website is already doing better than most. Admittedly it is an error page, but even so, it is several orders magnitude better than most websites just because of that. Ref
Message: 559559 (85th of 87) in CompSoc [Re-read] Date: Monday, 21 January 2002 - 12:26 From: Techno Subject: jed All-Replies: 4 Where is it? -- Replied-to-by: Thoric (559565) Replied-to-by: Khendon (559604) Replied-to-by: Dupin (559661 in Pointless) +00:01 [CompSoc] (ABCDEFHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): N Message: 559604 (87th of 87) in CompSoc [Re-read] Date: Monday, 21 January 2002 - 13:31 From: Khendon To: Techno Subject: jed In-Reply-To: 559559 /usr/local/bin/jed, where it's always been.  Well, "always" might be an exaggeration. "For the last 30 seconds" might be closer.
Message: 578056 (92nd of 101) in Net [Re-read] Date: Thursday, 14 February 2002 - 13:43 From: Phil Subject: TV Go Home special All-Replies: 5 http://www.tvgohome.com/ Most amusing. -- Replied-to-by: Techno (578097) +00:02 [Net] (ABCDEFHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): A A new message has been posted in Net-Reposts by Proogs +00:02 [Net] (ABCDEFHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): A Cadwalen has logged out +00:02 [Net] (ABCDEFHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): N Message: 578097 (93rd of 101) in Net [Re-read] Date: Thursday, 14 February 2002 - 14:35 From: Techno To: Phil Subject: TV Go Home special In-Reply-To: 578056 All-Replies: 4 "Eastenders At Right Angles" is such a good idea! All Sunday TV up to and including Eastenders Omnibus should be broadcast sideways for the benefit of hangover ravaged party animals lying near death on sofas up and down the country... -- Replied-to-by: Cadwalen (578106) +00:02 [Net] (ABCDEFHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): N Message: 578106 (94th of 101) in Net [Re-read] Date: Thursday, 14 February 2002 - 15:03 From: Cadwalen To: Techno Subject: TV Go Home special In-Reply-To: 578097, 578056 All-Replies: 3 yeah, but which side do you lie on? They'd have to show it concurrently on two channels, one for each angle. -- Replied-to-by: Techno (578109) +00:02 [Net] (ABCDEFHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): N Message: 578109 (95th of 101) in Net [Re-read] Date: Thursday, 14 February 2002 - 15:05 From: Techno To: Cadwalen Subject: TV Go Home special In-Reply-To: 578106, 578097, 578056 All-Replies: 2 They'd do it like "Discovery + 1" only with "BBC + pi / 2" and "BBC - pi / 2" -- Replied-to-by: Isvara (578117) Replied-to-by: Darius (578846 in Oscars)
Message: 600075 (105th of 119) in Chat Date: Monday, 25 March 2002 - 15:00 From: Alias TNB Subject: Clocks All-Replies: 5 When do they go forward? -- Replied-to-by: BW (600076) B00:20 [Chat] 14 new messages (ABCDEFGHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): G Message: 600076 (106th of 119) in Chat Date: Monday, 25 March 2002 - 15:01 From: BW To: Alias TNB Subject: Clocks In-Reply-To: 600075 All-Replies: 4 > When do they go forward? All the time -- Replied-to-by: Alias TNB (600077) Replied-to-by: Topper (600078) Replied-to-by: nayfnu (600210)
Message: 601832 (27th of 46) in Net Date: Monday, 01 April 2002 - 18:18 From: S8N To: Ian Subject: Dmoz In-Reply-To: 601799, 601798, 601797 All-Replies: 2 AFAICT the US do not stop April Fools at lunchtime -- Replied-to-by: Topper (601837) Replied-to-by: octarine (601857) +00:16 [Net] 19 new messages (ABCDEFGHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): G Message: 601837 (28th of 46) in Net Date: Monday, 01 April 2002 - 18:26 From: Topper To: S8N Subject: Dmoz In-Reply-To: 601832, 601799, 601798, 601797 > AFAICT the US do not stop April Fools at lunchtime Nor, in fact, at the end of 1st April. +00:16 [Net] 18 new messages (ABCDEFGHIJKLNOPRSTUWX, ?+ for help): G